I’m filling out my Visa application for New Zealand and I get a text from my friend Chad. He is one of the two people I know (the other being my drummer) who love Oasis as much as I do.
“Liam Gallagher is slowly tweeting the word ‘Oasis’ one letter at a time. WHAT DOES IT MEAN???”
It means our dreams are possibly coming true. Fockin’ Ell.
I will defend Oasis until the day I die. I know people hate that band, but I do not care. They were down and out, scrappy, shitty boys who became the biggest rockstars in Britain. They did exactly what they set out to do. Rags to riches. Cocaine and bitches. Track pants the whole time. Football. Fancy coats. “Man United. Man United. Man United, ten times.”
There is yet another article making the internet rounds blaming “hipsters” for destroying the sanctity of hip-hop. As usual, the piece starts somewhere useful (issues of race and class in hip-hop fandom) but quickly goes deep into the author’s private mind garden where KRS-One could stop the NSA if only we would “respect the culture” or something.
Arguments about who does and does not have a claim to rap are tedious as hell, clouded with so many levels of assumptions about who likes what, why they like it, and when they started liking it that the important issues at the core rarely shine through. It’s rarely a fight worth fighting, but this article is particularly annoying because it blames “hipsters.” That’s annoying because “hipsters” don’t exist.
Noisey’s original series, Guitar Moves, has been nominated for a Webby! What does that mean? Well, the Webbys are an annual award celebrating the very best of the net! So if you liked our video of Billy Gibbons, Kid Rock and Matt Sweeney playing guitar while drinking beers, or learning to solo with a sweaty Josh Homme, then we need your votes!
Depending on who you talk to, the internet is simultaneously the downfall of the music industry as well as history’s best promotional tool. These days, media outlets like Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, Vine, and YouTube are launching unlikely careers. When I finally get some time to myself, there’s nothing better than browsing the internet for hours and finding ridiculous drum cover videos on YouTube. I don’t know if I’ll be laughing at someone’s misfortune or picking my jaw off of the floor after witnessing some amazing musicianship. After seeing everything from a toddler playing System Of A Down to the ridiculous Fred Armisen instructional video, I decided to take a closer look at the weird and wild world of YouTube Drummers.
I don’t have a coming out story because I don’t think anyone needs to come out. I don’t get the fascination with being gay, lesbian, bisexual. There’s no separation between gay rights and human rights, it’s just fucking stupid.
Being gay in hip-hop is still really stigmatized. There are so many people in this world that are closet homosexuals. I guess I’m “out,” but people ask me what my sexuality is all the time and I always tell them that it doesn’t matter, we’re not in a sexual situation so you don’t need to know. If we were in a sexual situation you would know exactly who I am sexually. But if we’re just having a conversation you don’t need to know what I do in private. Sexuality is not the most interesting detail about a person. It’s like me saying my favorite color is red all the time. After a while you’d kindly tell to me to shut the fuck up about it.
Last week, we covered the predominance of the Coachella fashion trend known as “underbutt.” While most people enjoyed it for what it was—just a buncha butts on the internet, a few people asked why we focused so heavily on ladybutt. Were we being sexist or objectifying women? No, not at all! In fact, we actually have a very reasonable explanation: Man ass is disgusting.
Seriously, why would any person of any sexual orientation or preference want to see a grown man’s ass? They are like of the Kia Spectras of human body parts. To be honest, WE ARE SO SICK OF COVERING COACHELLA. But since you, the people of the internet, demanded to see the bro butt, and since it is our job as blogging servants to wait on you hand and foot, providing content that will please every small niche of the world wide web, here is The Bro Butt of Coachella 2014 we found on Instagram. Enjoy, you sick weirdos. (Now let us never speak of Coachella again.)
Back in September, while Sky was on the way to a Basilica Soundscape Music Festival, her and her boyfriend, Zachary Cole Smith of DIIV, were arrested and charged with possession of a controlled substance, including heroin and ecstasy. The arrest caused a big stir and lost the starlet some of her bigger sponsors (Sky Ferriera is also a highly sought after model). However, Sky has been smart in putting the issue behind her. When her album Night Time My Time came out in October, all of her attention was on promoting the album and touring, despite many interviewers persistence to get her to discuss the arrest.
In Sky’s most recent video for the album, “I Blame Myself,” she finally addresses the matter. In an over the top, fictional account, Sky is arrested for gang activity and then strips in the police station. When it came out last week few people paid attention to that and instead focused in on the color of the actors in the video. People claimed that she was using black actors as props and one commenter on Sky’s Facebook page went as far as writing, “These actors BECAUSE of their skin color are automatically reduced to the neighborhood setting you shot this video in.”
Rather than making bold claims on someone’s Facebook page, I decided to talk to the director behind the video, Grant Singer. We discussed the casting process, Sky’s multiracial family, and the constant criticizing of my new favorite pop star.
Jesus Christ all the cereal! Lucky Charms and Cap’n Crunch with Crunch Berries are front runners for sure! Always with vanilla soy milk. Twenty-five cent boxes of Mike and Ike’s original flavor from the corner store can’t hurt either. We once had someone come to a show with a wholesale box of Mike and Ike’s for Yosco. Like 25 boxes of some shit. We gave them to all our stoner friends in Philly for a week. Try Nutella on top of celery too if you wanna get wild. Don’t knock it till ya try it! Ummm what else? Neapolitan ice cream with cinnamon sugar sprinkled on top is the real deal. Sourdough pretzels with a can of Coke. Strawberry sugar wafers.
Intruder Blue, Masked Intruder:
My favorite kinda snack for a day like today is the same as any other day: stolen. As cool as drugs make you feel, nothing can match the natural high of wolfing down a party sized bag of flaming hot something-or-others while you run from the mark from whom it was snatched. Advanced snackers: try getting high and then stealing for maximum snackisfaction!